College Football: USC v. OSU pseudo live blogging. Second Half.

11:28 PM- that's all folks. USC 35, OSU 3. Lisa Salnders interviews Sanchez, says his limp is fine- will be erect in 10 minutes when he meets the co-eds in the locker room. 

11:25 PM- The Big 10 has become a punch line? ya don't say Kirk.

11:23 PM- "What does this mean for the Buckeyes??". It means they will win out in the Big 10, whine they're way to a National Championship game...again. Then lose the title in a blowout versus and SEC or USC Trojan team....again. So what does this mean for OSU Brent? business as usual.

11:19 PM- Currently googling pics of Sanchez and former Trojan dream boat QB John David Booty, for ya know......research.

11:18 PM- Aaron Corp is in for Sanchez, only point of note, when the most handsome player is NOT on the field of play.

11:13 PM- Herbie just called his own Buckeyes JV. Zing! Thanks captain Kirk, luv ya!

11:12 PM- It's a good thing they 'help you be a better man' at OSU. And it isn't 'all about football' there..right Buckeyes?

11:09 PM- Delay of game penalty, followed by a time out. The next person to prevent this clock from winding down will be executed.

11:03 PM- Damian Williams and Mark Sanchez are BFF's, have sleep overs. AWWW. Musberger also says Sanchez is beloved in the Mexican American community, way to play the race card Brent.

11:01 PM- Herbstreit; " If you win all your games, somebody on your team is going to be a Heisman Trophy nominee." so your saying that will be Mark Sanchez, Herbie? answer the question dammit!!!

10:59 PM- Boeckman throws another interception.The Buckeyes have 0 touchdowns, and have given up 35 points; Vince Young's group therapy session tomorrow will be booked solid for those who were planning on attending.

10:54 PM- Mark Sanchez's father is a fireman. There is a joke about females sliding down Mark's 'pole' after the game tonight in here, I'm getting to drunk and tired to figure it out.

10:50 PM- End of 3rd Quarter goes off air with Chesney's "Wild Ride" again. I don't know if this is necessarily a "wild ride" per say; but a totally predictable and almost painful to watch ride? absolutely.

10:45 PM- Sanchez throws TD pass numero quatro, that ball was thrown faster than he was thrown across the border as a baby. USC  35, OSU 3, Sanchez says " I love you mom" to the camera...swoon.

10:43 PM- Mark Sanchez says "This ain't it. We are not done" someone begin a needlepoint pillow please.

10:41 PM- OSU needs to put Terrelle Pryor in. Permanently because "This time's gonna be different!" Oh wait...wait what???

10:34 PM- Sanchez throws his 3rd TD pass of the night. USC 28, OSU 3... Buckeyes on the comeback trail.

10:30 PM- Herbstreit asks whether Joe McKnight feels like he's playing a video game. Is there  Natty Light, chips and queso provided on the USC sideline? Then yes.

10:29 PM- "Tommy Trojan" really? like they couldn't name him "Thrasher Trojan" or "Sexually active Trojan"???

10:20 PM- USC receivers  help Eli Manning win Super Bowls, and make audition tape for 'Brokeback' Mountain. Where is Snoop? when do we begin the obligatory celebrity shots?

10:14 PM- McKnight is approaching 100yds rushing on 8 touches. Averaging 12 yds a carry.

10:09 PM- ABC promoting National Stay at Home Week? absolutely f**king BRILLIANT. Dancing with the Stars Promo count, 3.

10:06 PM - Jaws and Kornheiser talking Cowboys and Eagles on a bus. In street clothes. Awkward. 

10:03 PM- Charlie Weis was knocked over by his own player in todays game. Blew out his ACL and MCL, says "he will not have surgery, he is not an athlete." Understatement of the year. 

21 USC, 3 OSU- we are forced to play another 2 quarters. Lisa Saunders reported earlier that Pete Carroll wants to score 100 points. Not an impossible feat at the moment. Good thing I'm not working a game tomorrow, oh wait, I will be on the sidelines for Cassel v. Favre, shit. 

College Football: USC v. OSU pseudo live blogging, First Half.

*** Will be getting a late start ( putting some kiddies to bed- adventures in nannying!), that's why we call it a pseudo live blog people!***

8:30PM- Sit down to computer. evening wine is a california pink "Big House Pink"; 11:45 in the first on an OSU drive. OSU working a 2 quarterback system - Boekman is the experience necessary for playing a huge game in a huge venue like the Coliseum. Pryor can give the Buckeyes the explosiveness they need in absence of Wells. 

8:36 PM- USC's defense seems a little overwhelmed by the game, four first downs for OSU; and it's REALLY hard to be intimidated by an OSU offense. Terelle Pryor is getting into a rhythm, key for a freshman qb as to prevent stupid rookie mistakes. Penalties are killing the Trojans.

8:43PM- Field goal OSU 3- USC 0. Red zone stand for USC. Two sacks on both Pryor and Boekman, plus a nasty OSU penalty is slightly demoralizing when you started inside the 10. In other news: 0 celebrity sightings, and Tressel in the red sweater tonight. I personally, think red is a better look on him.

8:52PM- touchdown USC. there is a reason they have won the PAC 10 and made consecutive BCS bowl games the past 6 yrs running; they're offense is efficient as all get out. Sanchez gets some stats on the board 4/7 54 yds on the drive. #4 McKnight is an aggressive runner for USC. And like Lienart, and Booty before him; Sanchez continues the proud USC tradition of fielding the most handsome quarterbacks alive. If loving them is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

858PM- Is it just me or does Pete Carroll have some crazy oral fixation, look at the way he chews that poor gum. Puts horses to shame. ESPN uses Kenny Chesney's "wild ride" in the tease heading to break; interesting choice for a network so content on running ACDC's greatest hits into the ground.I appreciate it.

9:01- USC's defense was as we expected them to be that OSU drive, smothering. I'm going to pull a Billy Packer and say if USC scores on their next possession, this game will be over.

9:09 PM- touchdown USC off a Sanchez throw. Mark Sanchez will cause the unwanted pregnancies of roughly 50 co-eds tonight. Matt Leinart is on route to LA to be able to lap up the leftovers. Oh yeah, Joe McKnight is ONLY averaging 10 yards a carry.

9:19PM- Terrelle Pryor 13 yrd run breaks OSU into red zone. Matt Cassel is the AFLAC trivia question. 

9:21PM- Boeckman OSU touchdown recalled after a second red zone penalty, now 3rd and long. The way the Trojan defense is stuffing the line and giving the receivers cushion; I don't know HOW effective Beanie Wells would have been had he have played.

9:23- OSU botches another opportunity for some points, missed FG. All Ohio's penalties are jumps at the line of scrimmage and holding; which is code for USC's defense is much too fast for the O line and secondary to handle. 

9:26- Brent Musberger informs us the USC fans have begun the overrated chants; No Time Like The Present, I guess.

9:30- Trojans 3 and out. OSU #82 Small fields the punt, gets LICKED. Flat out Pummeled. Apparently was talking shit early in the week, so USC is putting some extra pizzaz in when tackling him tonight. 

9:34PM - Trojans #58 Maualuga intercepts OSU's Boeckman for a touchdown. 21-3 USC, despite Trojans possessing the ball a mere 9 minutes. 7 Trojan starters were lost to the NFL Draft in round 1 ALONE. Je-SU Chris-TE they are good. 

9:43PM- final OSU drive before the half results in a Boeckman fumble. I am NOT a fortune teller by any means. but this looks about as promising as someone's plan to hit the beach in Galveston, Texas yesterday. Sanchez has the ball with a minute plus on the clock, this will probably end in a USC score... again, I am not a fortune teller.

9:53PM- Tressel and Erin Andrews, can you FEEL the sexual tension. No? the sweater vest is a form of  birth control?? ahhh, now it makes sense. 

END QUARTER, next quarter I'll do it from the top down in descending in most recent. Ya know the  way it SHOULD have been done if not for this pesky pink wine!

NCAA Football: No Beanie tonight. Sweater Vest still a Go.

"Wouldn't it just be a shame if Ohio State, with its best running back in the lineup, spoils the party for USC? Of course it would,"

It's exactly what Ohio State is planning on doing as of this morning. Jim Tressel announced ( with his team and staff already on the bus so unavailable for questioning) Chris 'Beanie' Well will not play. I repeat he will not play. You as well as Las Vegas should adjust your bets accordingly.

Despite what Erin Andrews, Kirk Herbstreit and the rest of College Gameday will speculate; I find it pretty impossible that strait shooter sweater vested coach Tressel would purposely throw off the media and USC this close to kickoff, it's just not that sneaky..or maybe its too sneaky...I dunno. It depends on whether you think sitting Wells in order to have an excuse as to still be under consideration for the National Championship game MORE sneaky.

"Five things to look for today" [Baltimore Sun]

My picks for the day....

Iowa OVER Iowa State- Iowa leads the nation in most felonies/team violations/suspensions. That has to mean they have a good team, right?

Georiga OVER South Carolina-1 loss for the Bulldogs is totally negated by the fact that SC is coached by Steve Spurrier. Plus, the gamecocks are led by a not so great quarterback names Smelley, why would you ever trust a QB named Smelley??? This will probably be a better game than USC vs. OSU

Michighan OVER Notre Dame- I'm picking the lesser of the two evils, but I still hate myself for picking the Wolverines to win. Charlie Weis's Irish are just in the toilet, Jimmy Clausen is a terrible quarterback ( not to mention the biggest douche bag ever) and a group fo 9 year old girls could defend the run better than ND's defense; yeah I'd say Michigan walks away with this one.

Fresno St. OVER Wisconsin- This may be another game that will be better/closer than USC v.OSU. Both teams are ranked, making it just as important too. Despite the fact Wisconsin is probably one of the most consistent programs in the country, I have a lot of Big 10 rage ( if you can't tell) . Fresno St. may be this year's Hawaii ( though ECU and South Florida may have something to say about that) so you gotta root for the little guy!

USC OVER OSU- obligatory. And Mark Sanchez is a dreamboat- he will be the Heisman frontrunner after tonight.

NFL Update; Now is NOT the Time to be Classy

The Philadelphia Eagles are choosing to remain a 'sleeping dragon' despite, Jessica Simpson threatening to 'kick their butts' ( giggle), or Pacman Jones discrediting Philadelphia's blowout win over the Rams last week, or Terell Owens talking about how the Eagles did not encourage his growth as a person ridiculous shit.

This all quiet on the home front business cannot end well. We are not classy people by nature, and it would go against EVERYTHING Philadelphians believe in to NOT seize an opportunity to engage in a little verbal Tet-e-Tet; especially when we have absolutely NO argument or solid defense. We NEED to be shameful.

Philadelphia teams excel ONLY after they run their mouths despite only having mediocre records to back them up. This is a scientific FACT. They talk to the point where we are embarrassed as a city and as a people, completely doubt them; and then pleasantly surprise us knowing a loss would only result in us holding a public tar and feathering ceremony.

With that said, it pains me to inform everyone that I do not believe we will come away with a win monday night or the ability to make Jessica Simpson ( gasp!) look like a bigger idiot than she already is....if that is even conceivable. It's not that I'm down on my team...I'm a realist...and it's more a balance of the universe/karma kinda thing.

You will still find me Monday in green face paint, cheering to the death for the birds; but it's just better I come to terms with the reality now rather than Tuesday morning where the pain and anguish would ruin my week and perhaps cause me to lose my job.

Onto some fabulous linkage as I sob quietly in my oatmeal.

Week 2 predictions [NFHell]

Week 2 Jambaroo; Why the crippling of Tom Brady was righteous and should cause you to feel warm and fuzzy inside as well as publicly celebrate. [Deadspin]

Why Tom Brady deserved to come a inch within death, part II [Can't Stop the Bleeding]

T-shirts to express your love for Bernard Pollard. [Shutdown Corner]

Most of these t-shirt purchasers MAY be women? [Deadspin]

Will Tom Brady spend his off season in complete and utter gluttony? probably. [Cuzoogle]

Alex Smith. Most Epic Fail Ever? [Fan IQ]

Petyon Manning's Greatest Hits [NextRound]

New York Stadium, still under Nazi threat [Rumors and Rants]

Why strength of schedule doesn't matter. You Pittsburgh Steeler hater. [The Big Lead]

College Football: USC vs. OSU eve

Oh that sneaky sweater vested OSU coach Jim Tressle gets us again. Yesterday, the entire state of Ohio sighed collectively in relief when OSU star running back Chris 'Beanie' Wells injury status made him 'doubtful' to start on Saturday; thus creating the mother of all excuses for the Buckeyes when they inevitably lose on Saturday.

This may or may not be the biggest hullabaloo over a stubbed toe, ever. Then again, this may or may not be the biggest hullabaloo over a potential blow out, ever. but that doesn't mean I wont TOTALLY be pseudo live blogging it tomorrow night, 8pm, bottles of Kendall Jackson encouraged.

"Why Chris 'Beanie' Wells matters" [All Things Trojan]

"Blogger Death Match: Ohio State-USC" [Sporting News]

"The Pros: USC vs. Ohio St." [Simon on Sports]

"At Last ... The USC-Ohio State Sideline VIP List Is Here" [Deadspin]

"BEANIE WELLS AND THE FOOT OF DOOM" [EDSBS]

"Road to gameday: LA Boggles the mind" [Sporting News]

Some things are bigger than Sports; This does NOT sound promising

Yesterday, September 11th, is already a sad/not great day for Americans and in American History. September 12th is not shaping up to look like a great one either. Hurricane Ike, a Katrina like diva of a hurricane; is approaching Texas furiously. Now I have complete faith in our brave emergency crews; but the entire island of Galveston is predicted to go under due to the expected 15 foot storm surge.

Yeah, that and the headlines of today; "Stay and die" and "Hurricane Ike could bring ‘certain death’" don't make me feel great about this precipitation either.

Prayers and thoughts with the state of Texas and it's people. Hope everyone who is able can get the HELL out of there.

"Hurricane Ike could be worse than Katrina for US" [Times Online]

"Thanks to Hurricane Ike, more sports schedules in flux" [Weather Blog]

"Ike, ESPN: No Ravens-Texans for YOU" [Sporting Blog]

Blogorama: Bitter, with a splash of Belvedere

Refreshing honesty; Duke admits to having a pathetic beyond pathetic football program.

More honesty; SEC playmate says Big 10 girls just aren't as pretty. Most enlightened comment she will make in her young peroxide infused life.

Everyone wants to be a Longhorn.

Get to know your Heisman Candidates.

Charlie Weis is still upset about ESPN Dana Jacobson getting drunk and screaming 'F**k Notre Dame' at an Atlantic City roast. If Charlie Weis gets this upset about drunk people hating on touchdown Jesus I wonder how he manages to get out of bed every morning.

Texas Quarterback Colt McCoy has adoring, slutty fans.

Most ridiculous college football headline. Ever. Winner. No Words.

OSU fans prank call in on Pete Carroll radio show interview. Overuse of the word 'dude' causes you to confuse who is who in the transcripts.

College Football: Obligatory Tim Tebow drooling...

We can't go a week during college football season without mentioning handsome Gators QB Tim Tebow, so here's this week's headline. The Gators have a bye week, so Tim will not be playing this Saturday.

hey, better than nothing right?

Tim has been in the headlines this week, defending the honor of his coach Urban Meyer. Meyer was called 'dirty' and accused of running up the score last week versus Miami. Miami coach Randy Shannon and former hurricane Warren Sapp ( because he has nothing to say, about anything, ever) called the Gators coach disgusting after deciding to kick a field goal to put Florida up 26-3 over the Canes. Tim, being the face of the University of Florida, hell, the most popular man in the State of Florida; defended Meyer with enough class and eloquence to make you swoon...again:

"The only part that really offended me is when he questioned coach Meyer, and I'll have coach Meyer's back on anything," Tebow said. "To say something like that about coach Meyer isn't true at all. He's one of the best coaches in the game. That's why I came to the University of Florida -- to play for coach Meyer, play for the type of person he is. If you want to talk about him (negatively) you should definitely talk about a lot of other coaches before coach Meyer."

The next challenge for the Gators will be September 20th when they play LSU, a school apparently notorious for sending death threats to Tebow and his family. The authorities including the FBI have been aware of threats in previous years- yes the FBI. Forget terrorist,we have our priorities IN LINE PEOPLE- protect our handsome future millionaire football players from crazed fans.

Tebow and his family will have beefed up security as in conference SEC play begins. But Tim says drunk white trash is nothing compared to the communists and Muslim extremists he and his family have encountered in their overseas missionary work. That's right Tiger fans, Tim Tebow will machete your ass if you get near him or his family; that or an FBI agent will take you out with a taser- you get to choose!!!

"Florida’s Tebow not scared of rowdy SEC fans" [ajc]

Blogorama; Media Mayhem

Chris Collinsworth; lanky white man with rhythm. ABC's 'Dancing with the Stars' is pissed he's been holding out on them.Oh yeah that's right, his career isn't in the toilet.

Best encounter/pseudo date with a media personality. Ever. you will shit your pants reading this, and won't be the only one.

Keith Olbermann on a Brittany Spears-eque downward spiral? curse your tongue.

Hating the ESPN.

Hating 'The Sports Reporters', of ESPN.



People hate ESPN soo much they try to steal Tony Kornheiser's car so he can't get to work.

Warren Sapp; more eloquent than Emmitt Smith, almost as entertaining as Michael Strahan.

Where you can watch the worst.sports.ever.- ya know like bull riding, and..the NHL.

Breaking Sports News; College Students get DRUNK before football games.

Jay Mariotti; the Brett Favre of Sports reporters, Back in the saddle.

Feel Good Story of the Week; Tony Romo. Wait...what???

Tony Romo must have seen that notice in the classifieds on Monday following the ACL tear heard round the world; "Wanted- NFL Quarterback as National Hero/ Golden Boy /Second Coming of Christ". Romo, although his significant other ( I dare not utter her name) is DEAD to me; ROMO makes my list of most wonderfully surprisingly kind individuals ever.

Driving home from the airport on Sunday following his game versus Cleveland, Romo stopped to the side of the road in the dark to assist an older couple who had suffered a flat tire. No, this was not a publicity stunt, nor was his 'significant other' with him for a photo -op ( fame whore!); this was simply a generous act from a good samaritan...who happened to be Tony Romo.

Even more wonderful, Romo did not utter one word of this to any media or additional Dallas Cowboys franchise member in order not to make a big deal about it. The elderly couple Romo aided had to write an email of the story to a local reporter at the The Star-Telegram.

Lord knows I wouldn't have done that, so that fact that a celebrity millionaire NFL quarterback with 13 stitches in his chin stopped to do the right thing blows my freakin mind.

Romo, I may have to despise you as a victim of your circumstances, being the Cowboys quarterback and all....but then you do things like this..and totally redeem yourself.

"Romo to the rescue: Cowboys QB stops to fix flat" [IHT]

"Tony Romo may replace Tom Brady as most wonderful man alive" [Shutdown Corner]

And then there's things like this......yeah, never mind all that gushing.

But they say it "Gives you Wings"....right????

If anyone could find me a job where I was ALLOWED to drink on the job, I'd send you my resume in a hot minute. Seriously, when did getting intoxicated while on the clock become taboo? I thought multi-tasking was a desirable quality in an employee? You show me a corporate culture that lets you have a margarita with your afternoon conference call- and I'll show you one happy work force.

But apparently taking some vodka and redbull to the face isn't appropriate when your working, even if your job is high jumping. Russian high-jumper Ivan Ukhov will potentially face a year of suspension for a less than stellar performance ( actually a brilliant beyond brilliant drunken debauchery of a high jump failure) in which he failed to qualify for the Beiing Olympics. something about disgracing his country by trying to high jump under the influence and some crap.

That's funny...I thought Stoli was the official sports drink of Russia?

"Red Bull and Vodka Fueled High Jumper To Be Suspended for a Year?" [Deadspin]

"Why Drinking And High-Jumping Just Don’t Mix" [SportsbyBrooks]

Blogorama: God, Cincinatti, Tony Soprano, Fatties....and YOU

God explains why the hell he decided to turn the NFL upside down.

Place your bets on who will be this years lucky losers.

Ocho Cinco jersey's cost 4 million dollars?? The city of Cincinnati doesn't even cost that much.

Tony Soprano pimping the Meadowlands out to the Nazis.

The Biggest men on the field; coaches edition.

College Football: Let's just PRETEND this will live upto the hype

So there's a huge, Huge, HUGE game this weekend between current ranked #1 USC Trojans, and #5 Ohio State Buckeyes. So this can only end as it always does; in tears for Ohio State fans. Lord knows THE university can win out in the pathetic big 10 conference, but play a ranked team and they can't put one foot in front of the other! Despite the hype- even Vegas is realistic, as USC is a 10 1/2 favorite.
What will be interesting is how well injured OSU running back Beanie Wells will play after missing last week's game due to a foot injury suffered in their season opener. OSU barely squeaked out a victory against in state rival Ohio last Saturday with Wells out. They need Wells and baby freshman qb Terelle Pryor to have performances legends are made from.

USC handsome QB Mark Sanchez will lead a very powerful Trojans offense. USC is just a better, more explosive, well rounded team...period. Pete Carroll's ( my absolute favorite College Football head coach- the man is sooo Hollywood, so freakin crazy it makes my head explode!) program has a sparkling reputation for embarrassing Big 10 teams ( ask former ND QB Brady Quinn about how it went for him against USC!).

Oh, and its IN Los Angeles- the stars and celebs will be out, and by out, I mean on the sidelines. Denzel has already confirmed! Also USC song girls, prettiest cheerleaders on the PLANET.

This ones pretty much in the bag, but getting hype nonetheless....should make for a great Saturday along with some other good matchups!

"Looking to Prove Itself on a National Stage" [NY Times]

"The Buckeyes Have a Lot to Prove on Saturday" [YardBreaker]

"So, OSU actually has a chance?" [Sporting Blog]

"Sideline pass to USC football game is the hottest ticket in town" [LA Times]

NFL Update: Just when you thought things wern't weird enough in the NFL

In this crazy alternate NFL universe where Tom Brady sits on the sidelines, Brett Favre doesn't throw interceptions, and Peyton Manning is a non headliner...there is something else wonderful about this twilight zone other than the rise of Aaron Rodgers....the rise of KYLE ORTON.

Yes Kyle led his his Bears to a surprising 29-13 victory over older brother Manning's Colts- a rematch of a the 2007 Superbowl the Colt's won.

The biggest problem for the Colts? injuries. Peyton Manning was rusty having sat out ALL preseason nursing some unidentified knee issue. His offensive line played through their injuries against the Bears, but it was evident that they were hesitant/struggling.

But it wasn't just that the Colts were particularly bad....it was that on top of that, the Bears were actually pretty good. The terrible Chicago offensive line predicted did a solid job of blocking for our hero among men, women, and children, Kyle 'the bottle'. Orton completed 13 of 21 passes, to seven different receivers.

But debut of running back Matt Forte was the best sign for those hoping for success in Chicago. Forte had a 123 yard day rushing. While it's pretty apparent to everyone that Orton has a cap on the amount of successful stats he will be able to put up on the field- Forte's potential seems pretty limitless. But don't worry, Rex Grossman still thinks he's got a shot!

"Come To Think of It...What We Learned from the Chicago Bears' Victory" [The Bleacher Report]

Blogorama:closing up BradyGate 2008

Reminder to all Pat's fans, fantasy owners, and Brady lovers out there- he will be back. I know you feel pain, anger, despair...but it's part of the grieving process. I know, I know- it hurts; but just imagine how Tom's ACL feels?

"COMMISHUNAH GOODELL, YOU MUST SUSPEND THE FACKING SEASON!" [KSK]

"Meet Dr. James Andrews: The Man Who Operates On Your Favorite Player" [Deadspin]

"Brady can now committ to Hollywood 100%" [Derober]

"Can The Career Backup Salvage The Season For The Brady-Less Patriots?" [Fan IQ]

"Belichick eschews another QB: arrogance or brilliance?" [FoxSports]

"Drew Bledsoe is on Line 2" [Food Court Lunch]

"MATT CASSEL WON'T BE ANOTHER DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH" [Epic Carnival]

"Your Family Sucks Compared to the Cassels" [Sports Crackle Pop]

"Matt Cassel Trivia" [Simon on Sports]

"Oddsmakers Have No Faith in Matt Cassel; Patriots Now 20-1 to Win Super Bowl" [Fanhouse]