College Football: Suggestively infused Picks

Top Picks from my part arriving early. I will be down in the lovely black hole of Baltimore ( airlift supplies preemptively, including: bottled water, a machete, and a 5 gallon vat of gel sanitizer should do.) prepping for a 4 oclock Ravens v. Brown game NO one will watch. reason 1, the Eagles v. Steelers are on simultaneously, and reason 2...it's a Ravens v. Browns game. If the Lord is kind, I will NOT be field side for the beginning of the Brady Quinn era. But because God hate Baltimore, it seems impending....

Anyway onto some picks!

LSU Tigers OVER Auburn Tigers- cannibalism, yummy. Alright so this is tricky, both teams in the SEC, but LSU by far fields the more dominant teams overall in the past 5 years. Auburn wins the sweet uniform contest ( yellow and purple- really LSU?). I go with LSU, but it will be really close. Plus, LSU and their fans are well.........slightly more..ehh....

Wake Forest OVER Florida State- The smallest D1 football programs fields some decent ACC Championship winning teams every now and again. Despite a nude picture sanfu last season, Demon Deacons QB Riley Skinner is actually really good. Yeah those photos are BEYOND AWKWARD (version NSFW). I always wanted to go to Wake Forest and was devastated when I was wait listed back in the day. FSU is home to Jenn Sterger, and tons of players with criminal records. I'll root for the Wake underdog thanks.

Florida OVER Tennessee- Fla is away at rocky top, but fortunately, Tennessee is NOT very good. Tim Tebow will again grace our eyes on the Television....God redeems himself for sending me to Baltimore.

Alabama OVER Arkansas- This one is HARD. I hate Bama coach Nick Saban and Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino with equal parts passionate intensity. Winner? Bama, the average lineman is what like 320 pounds? and they have a handsome senior quarterback John Parker Wilson you say? Done and done then.

Michigan State OVER Notre Dame- Charlie Wies is out for the season in 'the ACL heard round the world' part 2. Unfortunately he will not spare our eyes from having to look at him and his 5 chins...will continue to coach. Team still fields tool bag Jimmy Clausen. Michigan State's mascot is a Spartan...yeah...a Spartan beats a Fighting Irish every time. Oh and MSU is really fast, something incredibly foreign normally for corn fed Big 10 Teams.

Troy OVER The Ohio State University- ehhh, a girl can dream right?

Boozing frats vs. tailgating Dads: NCAA 1, NFL 0 [The Sports Culture]

The Big 5 College Football Games of the Weekend [Simon on Sports]

Dr. Lou Drinking Game [Digital Headbutt]

If Sanchez Keeps Winning, It's His Trophy To Lose [Fan IQ]

FavreFest2008: Because NOTHING is more Important in a time of Economic Crisis

New York Fashion week rubbing off on the gunslinger? attempting to get Favre out of those Wranglers and into some Armani. Yeah right.

No matter what he wears, Brett rated the prettiest QB in football. Results differ from the top 10 best looking NFL players posted last night. Apparently, like election polls, there are more than one out there you can find to say anything you want.

Best fashion advice? the half and half jersey. Favre style.

Tony Kornheiser loves Brett Favre. Will not ever stop talking about him. Ever.

Second Tier Sports Update: SHHHH...don't jinx it

This is one of those things that makes you think 'maybe if we just don't say anything, don't get to excited; it will actually happen'. The US is winning 5 1/2 to 2 1/2 after the opening day of the Ryder Cup. SHHHHH. The Americans ran from the front, taking the morning matches by storm commanding a 3-1 lead. This is the first time the Americans have be leading after day 1 since 1991. The star pairing for the US is the 23 year old newbie Anthony Kim and Phil Mickelson. Kim proves that not only is he game enough to play along WITH Phil, but holds his own against the international competition.

"Ryder Cup Update, Pigs are Flying" [The Sporting Blog]

"2 Second Long, 2 Hour Late, Ryder Cup Predictions" [Simon on Sports]

In alternate country club sporting news, Andy Roddick was taken out by David Ferrer 7-6 (5), 2-6, 1-6, 6-4, 8-6 in the Davis Cup clay court event match up between the US and Spain. This was Andy's first Davis Cup series loss in 2 years. The US is down 2 in the best of 5 semifinal series against Spain. Spain hasn't lost a clay-court Davis Cup series in nine years.....shit. To make matters even worse, the home field advantage for Spain is HUGE; the tournament is taking place inside a bullfighting arena...I would never lie to you, a freaking bullfighting arena.

"U.S. finds no satisfaction in a moral victory" [ESPN]

Blogerama: because work makes me lazy, and thirsty.

Tommy Brady searching for new career opportunities, follows Chris Cooley into the dangerous world of blogging?

Speaking of Tom, he is NOT #1 on the 'NFL's 10 best looking players'. Brett Favre is not number 1 either. And no, Kyle Orton did NOT nab the top spot either. What is going on in this world?

Ironic discovery of the day; NFL Baby Momma Advisers.

Ironic discovery of the day part deuce: NFL 'director of responsibility'.

Buffalo Bills, Superbowl bound. For real this time. Stop Laughing. I mean it.

Baseball players in orange hot pants. Open at your own risk.

Who says American ingenuity is dead? part 1

Why says American ingenuity is dead? part 2

Not to be eclipsed, The Ryder Cup starts tomorrow.

Only 1 event on the PGA tour can guarantee excitement, the Ryder Cup is that 1 event and it starts tomorrow people. Once every four years (yes just like the Summer Olympic games) PGA tour golfers play in an USA vs. Europe rivalry; that's right, it's golf team style versus smelly Europeans...if that F**k Yeah American mentality doesn't get you going I don't know what will. This morning the trash talk began between the men in collard shirts:

"' If your ready to rumble in the jungle, we'll be on the tee on Friday morning' European captain Nick Faldo laid down the challenge to opposite number Paul Azinger this morning."

Even better is that the each team pairs two golfers together to face head to head two golfers from the other team- the foursome walks the course together and everything. The drama is stifling, the only way they could make the whole thing better is if after play 18 holes the foursome went behind the clubhouse to fight each other to the death or something.

Europe has beaten our sorry asses for more years than I can remember, and no, we don't have Tiger playing for us this year ( gasp!). But fear not, we have something else favoring us, and that is home field advantage. Yes! for the first time I can remember the Ryder cup will be played on US soil, in Kentucky. That means instead of some crazy drunk Euros hawking the sidelines this year you'll see some crazy drunk Americans who thought they were getting dropped off at the Jack Daniels factory museum.

Oh yeah and everyone wears funny looking team uniforms! Get Ready to Rumble in the land that brought you Churchill downs, whiskey, and Louisville Sluggers.

"Did Someone Say Cigars and Golf in the Land of the Mint Julep? Miguel Angel Jimenez Approves. " [Fan IQ]

"Rating the Ryder Cup wives" [Cuzoogle]

"Ryder Cup Memories" [SportsCracklePop]

Blogorama = Bonerrama

What we learned from Week 2.

What God wants us to learn from Week 2: Home Depot= "Mr. Blank, you know not the evil you have wrought on humanity. " = Atlanta is screwed!

Week 2 in pictures with innapropriate captions......YESSSSSS.

Big Thoughts from Week 2, not necessarily intellectual or even coherent thoughts, but BIG ones.

Everyone HATES Ed Hochuli. Jerry Jones hates Ed Hochuli. San Diego hates Ed Hochuli. Ladies...hate Ed Hochuli. And you know you are a failure at life to the known universe when even GOOGLE hates you, Ed Hochuili.

Eli Manning is awkward and clumsy. tell me something I don't know.

Drafting Tony Romo or Aaron Rodgers on your fantasy squad = genius. Drafting both onto your fantasy team = dilemma of epic nature.

Cleveland Browns biggest fan base, male strippers. Brady Quinn joke in 3....2....1....

Nudity on the Internet??? ya don't say.

I was waiting to write this story, primarily because I just thought it would be a non-issue. A funny ha-hah and we'd all look back next week/month/year and say 'remember when?'. Then we'd smile and giggle together, then resume painting each other toes and playing Dream Phone.

Chris Cooley, athlete blogger extraordinaire hero was just trying to give his audience what they want from a blog; a inside look at how athletes prepare and exposed male genitalia. Cooley in an attempt to photograph his playbook gave his adorning fans a glimpse of his lil Cooley (emphasis on lil) as well unbeknown to him. The picture was up all day Sunday until Chris had finished a victory over the Saints, and finally removed his genitals from the world wide web.

Apparently this was a tad of an issue causing Chris and his manager brother to apologize and go into damage control mode. But come on people, an exposed penis on the Internet? woah this truly new. People on the computer not wearing pants? I have never heard of that and can not think of ANY reason someone would take there pants off while on the Internet!.

As far as I'm concerned, Chris Cooley is now, and forever will be a man of the people. And by association, his penis is of the people as well.

"Chris Cooley of the Washington Redskins Exposes Shortcomings/Genitals" [Bleacher Report]

"I wish there had been more coverage on Chris Cooley" [Shutdown Corner]

NFL Update: Like your Old Man

John McCain won't be starting in as quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings Sunday; but a guy that seems just as freakin old will. 37 year old Gus Frerotte, a fifteen FIFTEEN year veteran of the NFL, will start for the Vikes. He is clearing his busy schedule of bingo and shuffleboard as we speak.

Basically Vikings quarterback Travaris Jackson sucks. Sucks so bad. In total for the first two games of the season, Jackson threw for 308 yards , one touchdown and a 64.8 rating. Shocking that with suck a performance Minnesota is 0-2 on the season.

"We're 0-2 right now, and the key thing, probably one of the reasons Coach made the decision, was maybe because we need to get something to get us over the hump to get us a win," the 37-year-old Frerotte said.

Frerotte has demonstrated limited ability in his 15 year NFL career with seven, yes SEVEN different teams to accomplish what the Vikings are trying to do- NOT finishing with an 0-16 record. On the bright side, at this rate we have 2 more weeks till John David Booty will be pulled up to take the field!

"Frerotte Fror 2008" [Sportable]

"Congrats Minnesota, You're Headed For A 5-11 Season. And Likely Many More To Come." [FanIQ]

Blogorama: MNF Review

Sports Analysts make racists joke; as invetable as death and taxes

Sports Analysts make sexists innuendos; ditto.

Philly Fans get their kicks where they can find them.

Cowboys fans made beat Philly fans in beefy goodness; lose in coordination contests.

Cowboys fans also in the spirit of brotherly love, boo anthem....posers.

Desean Jackson could have been the most hated Philadelphia professional athlete, ever. Not to worry, Terelle Owens still is!

Desean says he's sorry; young, rich and stupid is no way to go through life son.Wait...What?

Obligatory Andy Reid is fat post.

Take heart depressed Philly fans; the Cowboys were SUPPOSED to win this year.

Blogorama: Culmination of PhelpsFest2008 ?

Michael Phelps hosted the season premiere of SNL. SNL garnered some of it's best opening episode ratings in recent memory, but not for Phelps...Tina Fey's kick ass impression of Sarah Palin was the show stealer. Phelps's performance received lukewarm ratings, most in agreement that he is simply too awkward of an individual on land to keep up his star power very much longer. He even looks awkward in his Vegas stripper assaulting photos.....linkage below.

"After SNL, Michael Phelps Should Stick With Swimming" [College OTR]

"Guess Who: Michael Phelps Stunk on Saturday Night Live Because “Swimmers are Socially Awkward” [The Big Lead]

"Michael Phelps Squeezes Out Another Victory At The Playboy Club" [Fresh Intelligence]

"Leno Fails To Probe Michael Phelps On Ass Issue" [Gawker]

"Phelps on SNL: Far From Dreadful" [SportingNews FirstCuts]

"Olympic moments funnier than Phelps on SNL" [Rumors and Rants]

NFL Update: Black Tuesday....

The Donovan McNabb to Brian Westbrook fumble cost the Eagles last night's game, because it happened on a must score second half drive for the Eagles. Turnovers happen, Tony Romo's first half funble cost the Boys 7 points; but the Eagles fumble was at the right place and right time to change the outcome of the game more than any other play. There is nothing else to say about last night other than the Eagles simply COULDN'T seal the deal when the game was on the line.

Some will say the Cowboy's are the best team in the League to date, but I have a feeling there are other defenses in the league that will play the Cowboys a little tighter. For Eagles offense, Donovan McNabb looked the best he's ever looked in his career in Philly. Tony Romo simply has more offensive targets and the Dallas Offense has so many different weapons; I wouldn't be surprised if they put up at least 30 points in every game this season. Terelle Owens is now second all time for career touchdown receptions behind Jerry Rice.


"Dallas Cowboys' defense steps up late to seal big victory" [Dallas Morning News]

"Eagles fall in shootout 41-37; Cowboys halt Birds' rally in final minutes of wild game Eagles fall in shootout 41-37; Cowboys halt Birds' rally in final minutes of wild game" [Pressof Atlantic City]

NFL Update: MNF Blogorama

Eagles up by 6 at the half. Here's a list of live blogs covering the game currently; I cannot vouch for the appropriateness of the nature of any live blog content. There probably isn't anything appropriate about any of them, but if your feeling adventurous:

[AOL Fanhouse], [Shutdown Corner], [The700Level], [Awful Announcing], [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Promo for Brett Favre's Monday Night Football appearance count: 3. Other Adventures in Blogging below....

"The Sunday Scrapbook, Week 2" [Shutdown Corner]

"Kiffin violates Raiders' code: He won" [The Hater Nation]

"While Cassel Does Just Enough To Get By, Rodgers Silences Critics 3 TD's At A Time" [FanIQ]

"Dan Dierdorf Doesn’t Understand Why the Minnesota Fans Were Booing Tarvaris Jackson" [The Big Lead]

"Norv Turner and Loser Face Disorder (LFD)" [The Legend of Cecilo Guante]

"Going For Two at the End Of Regulation May Be the Smartest Move" [Aol Fanhouse]

NFL Update: "Playing with their hair on FIRE"

Notes on the REAL 'Game of the Year':

Both teams are 'playing with their HAIR on FIRE' says Kornheiser! The winner of this game may need to score 1,000 points. Romo already has had two beyond stupid turnovers- the curse of Simpson lives, for now. Cowboys Felix Jones is a STAR, this is a breakout game for the rookie. TO has 2 TD receptions, Eagles secondary Lito Sheppard and Sheldon Brown are taking turns on Owens; but he has been vastly more productive than in either of last years games.. The Eagles have no answer defensively for tight end Jason Witten and rookie Cowboy te Bennett. MNF is celebrating Hispanic heritage month by putting instant replays and graphics in language we can't understand; SEE HOW IT FEELS, you non Spanish Speaking living in American Americans?????

Football here, Football there. Football Everywhere. Best Weekend Ever.

It started with the whooping USC put on OSU on Saturday night. We learned 2 things from this; 1. even if they win out, OSU has embarrassed themselves so many times against top tier teams on a national stage, the Buckeyes will NOT be in consideration for this years Nat. Championship. At least I pray to G*D not. 2. This may be Pete Carroll's BEST Trojan team ever, and for a football program that has been to 6 consecutive BCS Bowl Games, that is saying ALOT.

Sunday was a gift from heaven; unless you were one of the following team's fans. And especially if you were a San Diego Chargers fan, yeah...wow....God hates you. Seriously, any game decided by a referee call is wrong, and Ed Hochuli ( a well respected, veteran ref) laid the biggest egg of his life. It was a terrible call that cost the Chargers the game, no doubt about it, and don't pull that 'it takes more than 1 play to lost a game' shit.- it cost them a game, and now the Chargers are 0-2; and this call may have cost them this season.

Kansas City is now the front runner for the no. 1 draft pick of the 2009 NFL Draft after losing to the Raiders, THE RAIDERS. KC is also leading in the 'road to 0-16' race. Hey, at least a sucky coach is better than no coach at all....right???

Aaron Rodgers is currently the best quarterback in the NFL. I know, I know; it's the second game of the season; but DON'T steal my thunder or attempt to dull my excitement. The whole thing makes me smile all over.

Matt Cassel debuted with a win, following in Tom Brady's shoes. The Patriots prove they can win without Tommy B., the Jets prove that they can still be spectacularly mediocre!

There was just so much meaty goodness this weekend, not to mention capping it off TONIGHT with Eagles v. Boy's, I can't get it all in one post...more to come!

"The Monday Football Column :: Week 2" [JoeSportsFan]